Can we all live like this?

“May love fill your heart, compassion guide your mind, faith rule your soul”
Paulo Coehlo


Dear friends,
It has been a full day. My dad had a heart catherization and Praise God he will only need a med to get rid of the blockage!!! Our dear friend Wendy went to the hospital to sit with my mom. I did not want to be in the hospital. I don't need any germs!

Getting ready for my steroid high! I take them today, tomorrow and Friday. So I should be flyin' for the next few days. I will be at the oncologist tomorrow afternoon. Ding! Round 2!!

I am posting a picture of my young friend Adam. If you recall from yesterday's blog, he ate an enormous cheesburger and is on the "Wall of Fame" at the Shady Grove Rd Cheeburger Cheeburger restaurant.

I <3 U All,
Jude

Today... I feel like myself!

Today... I feel like myself! I went wig shopping with Kim, Mary Ellen and Adam. As soon as the first wig was placed on my head I felt soooooooooo good!!! We ordered a wig. It should be in on Friday. We also tried on about 100 scarves, "do-rags" and turbins. Well maybe not 100. I was pretty exhausted and could not make a good decision after the first hour. I picked out 4 scarves. Kim and ME surprised me with a really bright pink one when we got home. Still not sure how you pulled that off girls.

Adam helped me finds some hats for the fall and winter months ahead. He has great taste in hats! He is so lucky his school does not start until next week. Sooooo... while all you other "playgroup" members were sitting in school Adam was shopping and eating ginormous hamburgers at Cheeburger Cheeburger. I laughed out loud once I realized that everyone else was IN SCHOOL!!!

Adam ate a half pound burger and the entire bun. For his efforts, he was rewarded with our server taking his picture and then posting it on a large bulletin board. We had a ton of fun today. I will try to post the picture of him after Kim emails it to me.

My hair is almost gone. I can't decide whether to shave it, cut it or let it keepfalling out. I am so fotunate to have thick hair I still look fairly OK. At least today. What I will look like tomorrow or the next day may be pretty scary!

I also came home to a bundle of mail. My little buddy Hayden sent most of it. He decorated several pages and even a visor with stickers. Hayden even sent me $5! Hayden started kindergarten today. He is Tara and Matt Study's oldest. And a very caring little guy. Tara said he took the $5 out of his piggy bank "for Aunt Jude to get something nice for herself".

I am continually amazed by these young ones. Can you imagine a 5 yr old thinking that way... here Aunt Jude get something nice for yourself??? If you are a follower you know I tend to talk about the little kids (some not so little anymore). They are special to me.

I savor feeling good and feeling light hearted... getting ready for round 2 on Thursday. Oh and I was able to do some laundry tonight. Woo! Hoo!

Hope everyone is well.

I <3 U all and miss U,
Jude

Irene is on the way!

Hi all,

I am hanging out waiting for Irene! Mark thinks it will hit Hatteras and turn into a tropical storm. The weather "people" love to hype stuff like this. And since when do earthquakes fall under "weather"??!!

I am finally able to read a book. Nothing deep ... I am reading "Scarlet Nights" by Jude Deveraux. Margy brought me some of Melanie's light reading. Thanks Marg! It feels wonderful to be able to concentrate enough to read.

Not much to say today. Our fridge went on the fritz a few days ago. It was acting like it was possessed. It was keeping food cold and frozen thankfully. But all the lights on the front of the fridge were flashing intermittently and the little door for the ice kept flapping.

Mr Fixit (alias my hubby) went online to research the "fix". Low and behold there was the answer. With pictures. So Matt and I went to Tribles Appliance store and bought the circuit board. Mark and Matt had the fridge repaired in about 20 minutes. Andddddd the floor under and behind the fridge got vacuumed!

Oh, I forgot, my hair is starting to fall out. I am going to buy a wig this week. Totally wierd!

I added a feature (just above Foxie's pic) to my blog that I THINK allows you to sign up to receive an email when I update. I think! Try it out and let me know.

Also, thanks to Wendy, here are some instructions on "How to Subscribe to Judy’s Blog using Internet Explorer":
1. Go to her blog: http://nodramanoproblems.blogspot.com/
2. Scroll to the bottom where you’ll see the following just above Nelson’s pic: “Posts (Atom)”. Click on that phrase.
3. You’ll now see Judy’s blog; but, displayed a bit differently. At the very top, there’ll be a box that says that you’re “viewing a feed” blah, blah, blah. Under that you’re given 3 options to subscribe to the feed (feed is another way of referring to receiving updates to blogs). Click on the one that says: “Subscribe to this feed”
4. You’ll get a little pop-up that asks if you want the feed to show up as “Jude’s Journey” created in “Feeds”. Go ahead and click . Once you understand what’s going to happen you can always delete this feed and resubscribe and have the feed show up in a different place.
5. You’ve now successfully subscribed to Judy’s blog! YEAH!

How to VIEW Judy’s Blog:
1. After you bring up Internet Explorer, click on your “Favorites Center” icon (I have a star icon for this)…this is the same place you go if you want to return to a website that you’ve bookmarked in the past.
2. After clicking that icon, notice at the top that you now have a few options: “Favorites”, “Feeds”, and “History.” Click on “Feeds.”
3. “Jude’s Journey” should be one of the options you now see listed. Click on that.
4. You should now be able to see Judy’s Blog. You can play with the feeds properties (i.e., how frequently it searches Judy’s Blog to see if she’s been updating it) by clicking on “View feed properties…” over on the right side (once you’re looking at Judy’s Blog).

I <3 U all,
Jude

Yes, Virginia, I can still cook

I saw the oncologist today and all my bloodwork looks great. Boy oh boy can I tell. I am feeling very good! I made a meatloaf for dinner. Mark saw it in the pan and said, "is that your meatloaf!?".

Yes, I cooked dinner tonight andddd did not burn anything! The last time I was in the kitchen I burned the taco shells and Mark asked me kindly to please "stay out of the kitchen!". Taco shells are very hard to heat up you know.

So... I have one week to enjoy and to continue to gather my strength for round 2. I wish I could describe to you how "good" feels. I feel light...

Hugs to all of you,
Jude

Earthquake!!

Oh my gosh you guys!! A freakin' earthquake in Ijamsville??!! I am so thankful that Mark, Matt and my mom were here when it happened. I totally freaked out! I ran out on the deck. Duh!? Probably the absolute worst place to go. I am obviously a bit over anxious. We'll blame it on the chemo! Yeah, that's the ticket.

Mark was in the basement and came running upstairs. Matt of course was upstairs in his room and he came running down the stairs. My entire house (now... my house is not a mansion, but it's not small!) was SWAYING!!! Nelson started howling and Foxie started her, "yap! yap! yap!".

But, today was a really good day! I started reading a book and I had a field trip to CVS. Woo! Hoo! Seriously, today was a good day. I was up and about more than the past 2 weeks. I am getting my energy level up for September 1st... round 2.

Here's to more good days! But no more earthquakes! A special shout out to the Bickley family!! They literally moved here yesterday from LA... we held the earthquake just to welcome you. What are the chances of someone moving to the east coast from LA the day before an earthquake. I'd say it's a pretty incredible day.

I felt the earth move under my feet...
<3 U All,
Jude

help us all dream big

Good Monday morning all,

I continue to adjust to my new way of life. Never knowing how I will feel, NEVER being far from a bathroom and wondering what I will be able to accomplish today. Some days I am able to watch a movie, one day I changed the sheets on my bed, Saturday I actually got out of the house for 2 hours (not a doctor's appointment - woo hoo!). But most days I am in slow motion and I may read the newspaper and a magazine or two.

When Mark and I struggled with infertility back in the late 80's, early 90's we thought that was the end of the world. One day we hung a sample of wallpaper in the soon to be baby's nursery and the next day I had a miscarriage. After the miscarriage we started the years of attacking my endometriosis. I once even had surgery while Mark was out of town. Infertility became the central focus of our lives. Mark and I dreamt of a newborn baby. Our families dreamt of their two oldest finally having a baby of their own.

You all know the 0utcome of our infertility... our incredibly handsome and funny son Matthew Raymond. I joke that Matt is lucky to have NOT have received any of the Combs or Henderson "portly built" genes. It is not hard to recognize that Matt is adopted. As you meet him you see a tall, dark and handsome young adult that may be with 2 short, white and pudgy people!!! (I have had several people say that Matt looks like Mark! I personally don't see it... do you?)

So... the point. During the infertility years, the fertility drugs, the tears, the realization that I was not going to "birth" a baby. As I drug Mark to adoption classes and we both endured the indescribable toughness of the adoption process... I could never have dreamed up Matt.

Jump to August 2011. My family has a new focus to our lives. You all know that I must see the positive. I have to think that somehow this part of my life will mold something of the future. I have to navigate through this to get where He wants me to be.

Help me dream big, Lord... Help me hand over the worry about what is not getting done and focus 150% on my health. Help me dream big Lord... help us all dream big.

I <3 U all and miss everyone so much!!!
Jude

It is hard to just "be"

Good morning!

I am slowly coming back to life post chemo. Now I feel like I am in slo-mo. It is the weirdest feeling. I've been enjoying a lot of "Murder She Wrote" and "The Flip Wilson Show" reruns. Still can't concentrate to read anything other than a short newspaper or magazine article. I am meditating quite a bit and trying to be calm.

Our lives are so incredibly busy, it is hard to just "be". I've had to talk to myself about focusing on healing and resting. Just "be". Yet another lesson to learn.

Check out www.tealtoes.org

I <3 U all more each day,
Jude

Email hijacking

Hello all,

Many people are receiving email hijacking's from me. Mark will work on fixing it for me. Sorry!!

I'll keep you informed.

<3 U all,
Jude

Welcome to the world of chemo...

My sister-in-law's mom (an oncology nurse and breast cancer survivor) put chemo fatigue into words... "inertia fatigue". I got a good dose of it this weekend. And I am still there a bit today.

Inertia fatigue... the ability to think approximately 10 minutes ahead in your life (if your lucky)

I'm hangin in there friends. It's still quite the journey but I will make it. I learned a lot today about knowing when I am dehydrated and hopefully will be more aware. I can go to oncology anytime I want to get fluids and praise the Lord it is only in Mt. Airy!! About 20-25 minutes away.

I <3 U all,
Jude

Hittin' the chemo wall...

Well it was bound to happen. I've hit the chemo wall. About 3:00pm yesterday I could not move. No nausea, just flat out fatigue. I have watched movies and slept. Just finished the "The Blind Side". What a great movie! Just as good as the first time. A bit of a tear jerker... but I can comply with tears today.

This is the wierdest journey, you all. I never know how I am going to feel... literally minute by mnute... it can change "on a dime". Mark is at Uncle Ray's cleaning out the garage. Jeff sold unk's house so now the cleaning out begins. It is incredible to think that unk passed away in February. Time goes so incredibly fast. I hope the chemo goes just as fast for me.

So... I will be short today. I have to get back on the couch. My "nurses" suggested I put out a reading list to you all. I read Whoopi Goldberg's book "Is It Just Me?: Or Is It Nuts Out There?" on vacation. Oh my goodness, does Whoopi lay the cards out on the table. Check it out.

FYI... I am not good at talking on the phone these days. It is very exhausting.

<3 U All very much,
Jude

ps... if you have any good movies to share please do :-)

Steroids are my friend...

Yes, they are! I started steroids yesterday in pill form. Today prior to the chemo I got IV steroids. I was sooooo pumped up!!! I was laughing and joking!!! I still have two more days of steroids, BUT, by Saturday I will probably collapse. The common side effects are fatigue, weakness, low blood cells counts, hair thinning or loss, loss of appetite, nausea, vomiting, etc... But I can deal with that. I'm alive!!!!!

Today went so well. It was a long day, about 6.5 hours. Because it was the first visit. I was given benedryl and the cancer drugs, Carboplatin (brand name paraplatin) and Docetaxel (brand name taxotere). I did come down from my steroid high and took a short nap at the office.

We (my sisiter Lisa and I) met with with Dr. Hubba Hubba... oh I mean Dr. Hudhud! Gay has a crush on him! GREAT NEWS!!!!! My PETSCAN showed NO MORE CANCERS!!!!!!!

I go back tomorrow to get an injection of Neulasta. This helps to shorten the number of days I will have low blood cell counts. Hence making me more suseptible to infections, etc. Neulasta can help to take the number of days down from 10 to 3 or 4.

So... I made it through the first day! And it could not have gone any better. I am going to take a nap now until Mark gets home from work.

Thanks to all of you for the prayers, positive thoughts and sending the angels. I feel EVERYTHING from all of you. And I love you all!!!
Jude

Matthew 7:7

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."
Matthew 7:7


Dear Lord, I ask that I get through this chemotherapy with the slightest of side effects. Help my body be strong and not anxious. I seek your calmness and love. And Lord... imma knockin'!!!!. Amen


Although, I do have plenty of anti-anxiety meds. It is my hope that I don't have to use any of them. But let's see... wine... anti-anxiety meds... hmmmm.... nahhhhh! A neighbor, whom shall remain nameless, said that one of his friends used marijuana during their chemo. Hmmmm...


Can you tell I had a great day today? I have my happy on! I have taken lots of steroids and I feel great!!! Had lunch today with 3/4 of the Franz clan and my guy Matthew. I will be at the Mt Airy Cancer Center tomorrow from 8:45 until about 12:00. The nurse said the day before chemo, the day of chemo and the day after chemo are the best 3 days. It's the steriods!


A note to Adam, I am very proud of the work you have done on your journal. Keep up the good work. I know it takes a long time. But nothing worthwhile is fast or easy to complete. You are growing into such a great "soon to be" teenager.


And a note to Jaylin, thank you for the incredible card. Gosh you have a nice hand writing! Better than most adults! I miss you very much and hope to see you very soon.


Just had Becca, Naomi and Courtney here waiting for Matt to finish cutting the grass. They left to go to Kate's for the evening. Matt ran screaming because Iwas dancing to a song card that Kate's family sent me that sings... "Hang on Sloopy". It's great having all the teens hanging out here. They are a great diversion!!


<3 U all,
Jude

It is a week of firsts...

Good morning :-)

I've had a few firsts over the past 2 days and I want to thank all the prayer warriors. You all have prayed for me to sleep well and to feel comfort. The night before the my port "installation" I was very anxious. A few people know that my mom had a port installed for her chemo treatments. Her port broke and a piece of it lodged in her heart. On top of chemo and radiation treatments she was very close to open heart surgery.


My dad took her to FMH and the team in the ER was able to remove the piece of the port away from her heart. She told me the other day that once it was removed in the operating room everyone clapped & cheered. Sooo... you can appreciate why I am a bit nervous about having a port installed.


When I saw my oncologist, Dr. Hudhud, last week we discussed what happened. Dr. Hudhud said that he has probably seen 50,000 ports and that my mom is the only person that this has happened too. Amazing isn't it? First of all... that cancer is so rampant that this young doctor has seen over 50,000 ports and 2nd... that my mom is the only person who has had this experience.


I diverse... I wanted to thank you all for praying for me Sunday night. I slept through the night for the first time in about 2 months. I woke up refreshed AND... with absolutely NO discomfort in my incision for the first time. It is a week of firsts. I also sat out on the deck this morning (for the first time in years probably) and watched the sun come up. And, I will have my first chemotherapy session this Thursday.

Thank you for the prayers. A shout out to my Aunt Midge's girlfriend ... thank you for asking that the angels come to comfort me. They are here!!!


My <3 U all,
Jude

Which God?

Which God? by Thomas Merton

Every person becomes the image of the God they adore.

Source: No Man Is an Island

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ps to my big brother... The "meal coordinator" is Kim @nkfranz@verizon.net

Weekend Update

Hi all,

I got pampered yesterday. I had a pedicure and had my hair cut & colored. I feel so much better. My roots were over an inch long!!! I know my hair may fall out... but for today I look like myself.

I am nervous about tomorrow's port "installation". I was OK until the hospital called for my health history, etc... it is about a 5 hour surgery. So keep me in your thoughts & prayers from about 8:00am to about 1:00 or 2:00. I'll be at Frederick Memorial Hospital.

I have gotten several emails about how to subscribe to my blog. Has anyone figured it out? I went to the bottom of the blog page and it says:

Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)

So... I clicked on Posts (Atom), then I clicked on "subscribe to this feed"

I don't know how this will subscribe me. If I get an email alert about this update I'll let everyone know. If not... if you can figure it out and send instructions that would be awesome.

Not much to talk about today. Nerves I guess. I'll try to post something late tomorrow after I have a new port. Woo! Hoo!

Love and hugs your way,
Jude

Rockin' Out at Camp Jam Tonight

Hi all,

I got to go out tonight!! I felt like I had been let out of prison. Matt has been in a Rock Band camp all week called "Camp Jam". The end of week concert was tonight. It was awesome. He played the bass guitar for two songs. First with the band called DOWNSIDE-UP, they played "My Own Worst Enemy" by Lit. I don't know it personally but it sounded great! He also played in the band called CREAM OF WHEAT. They played "Layla". An awesome song by Derek and the Dominos. Now that song I know!

What a cool camp! Oh my goodness... the banner said ""No Canoes... Lots of Rock". Matt found out about this camp through Misti Lucente's son Christian. So we got to hang out with the Lucente's tonight. We ended the evening at Red Robin. So I even had a pina colada tonight. Woo hoo! I am outta control!

Now here's an incredible story... I went up to the camp director, Mike, after the performance. I wanted to thank him for everything. I said that Matt has had a few tough weeks with me recovering from surgery for 'ov'. And that this camp was a PERFECT distraction! Well... prayer warriors, get on your knees... his wife is in Holy Cross Hospital NOW for ovarian cancer. She had surgery YESTERDAY with my gynecologic oncologist, Dr. Albert Steren. BUT... she is 24 yrs old. So please add Glennys and Mike to your prayer list.

Life sure does have strange twists doesn't it? I have to sign off gang... I kinda over did it tonight and I have to get horizontal. Darn this incision!

<3 U all,
Jude

One more thing off the list!

Hi all,

I had the PET scan this morning. Check that off the list! It wasn't too bad. A long time for the prep and only about 20 minutes for the scan. My friend Clayton took me today. Thank you Clayton!!!

I came home exausted. So I haven't done much else today.

<3 to all,
Jude

Essence...

My dear friend Maria has an unwavering faith in God. She has taught me that we must recognize and respect where God places us in our lives. Today we talked about a person's essence and how sometimes what we see in a person superfically is not what is hidden in their essence.

This article from today's Inward/Outward is an excellent follow-up to the conversation she and I had about essence. I hope you enjoy it.

The Holy Within, by Thomas Kelly
There is a divine Abyss within us all, a holy Infinite Center, a Heart, a Life who speaks in us and through us to the world. We have all heard this holy Whisper at times. At times we have followed the Whisper, and amazing equilibrium of living set in. But too many of us have heeded the Voice only at times. We have not counted this Holy Thing within us to be the most precious thing in the world. We have not surrendered all else, to attend to it alone.
Let me repeat, most of us, I fear, have not surrendered all else, in order to attend to the Holy Within.
Source: A Testament of Devotion

<3 U all, Jude

I got out of the house and it wasn't to the doctor's

So ... I got to drive myself to the pharmacy! Green Valley Pharmacy is the BEST. They mailed me a care package with my favorite chocolate twizzlers. And the owner, Leon, added in yummy snacks called "Tropcial Blends Sensible Foods" a crunch dried snack. Very yummy.

I have probably done too much today I also went to the grocery store. But boy oh boy did it feel good to be out and about. I will have the consult with the surgeon tomorrow re: the port. Dear friend Tara is taking me.

What would I do without all my dear, dear friends?! And to all of you that have brought or are bringing meals... thank you soooooooo very much. It has made life so much easier.

<3 to all,
Jude

The beginning of the journey . . .

On June 30, 2011 I had surgery at Holy Cross Hospital in Silver Spring to determine if I have ovarian cancer. From now on referred to as the 'oc'. I knew NOTHING about 'oc'. I went to my primary care because I had bloated so badly I looked pregnant. She sent me immediately for a CT scan. The CT scan showed an enormous amount of fluid and a very large mass. I knew something was wrong as I waited. The nurse came in and said the radiologist was calling my doctor.



Soooo... long story short... I do have 'oc'. I was directed to a gynecologic oncologist, Dr. Albert Steren. Dr. Steren successfully removed the 5 liters of fluid, the 6 inch mass, completed a hysterectomy and an appendectomy. Pathology was sent to the Holy Cross lab and then to Johns Hopkins.



I saw my oncologist, Dr. Hudhud, yesterday. Some history... Dr. Hudhud was my mom's oncologist and saved her life 9 years ago. My mom had stage 3 rectal cancer. She had a much rougher time than I should have. She also had radiation. Ovarian cancer is not treated with radiation. Whew! But... it can come back. Yes, without ovaries I can still get ovarian cancer again.



Soooo... because of the incredibly large size of the tumor, the excessive amount of fluid that was drained from my abdomen during my surgery and the fact that there could be a cancer cell hanging around in there somewhere... Dr. H wants me to have 5-6 rounds of chemo. He said it does not make sense that I just had my gyn annual physical this spring and that it grew that fast.





Dr. H hope's to start on Aug 11th. I will have chemo every 21 days after that. The cancer center is in Mt. Airy on Center Street. Prior to the 8/11 appt. I will have a PET scan which scans the entire body for cancer. I will also have a port put in to avoid them poking my "incredibly tough and disappearing" veins to get blood and put in IV's.





Everyone wants to know what they can do for me. Please pray. God is great, but sometimes life ain't good (Martina McBride). My faith will get me through this. I have gotten much closer to Him. I have learned to pray and meditate much more. Thanks to Pastor Dan I have learned to meditate on one word or a couple words... I have chosen "Come, Lord Jesus, Come" or "Maranatha". Our Praise Band at church sings a song with the lyrics: "Come, Lord Jesus, Come" and I can hear them singing these words as I meditate.

More to come... you all may get tired of hearing from me. This is very therapeutic.
<3 U all,
jude