Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2012

Hi all,

It has been 3 weeks since my last chemo!!! I am feeling sooooooooooo much better!!!! It is pretty amazing. Dr. Hudhud (my oncologist) and his nurse, Lisa, said that 4-6 weeks after the last chemo I would "be back" to my normal self. Whatever that is! I have gotten used to my "new" normal. Being extremely exhausted all the time.

But, I have to say... I am feeling so much better... I am getting a glimmer of the old Judy. And if you all thought I was perky before? Get ready because I am soooooooooo grateful to be DONE with chemo that I will be even more perky. This feels so fantasticly good.

I will get a CT scan in February. And each month I will have bloodwork done. The bloodwork includes measuring the CA125 level. CA125 is the test for ovarian cancer. The good range is between 0 and 30. Pre surgery in June my level was 984. Post surgery it was 44. NOW... it is 16!!! Woo! hoo! Can I get an AMEN!

So please have a wonderful Christmas, celebrate the birth of our Christ, the Prince of Peace.

Merry, merry Christmas and pray for healthy days ahead for ALL of us,

Luv & hugs,
Jude

Last Chemo Treatment - Dec 1st at 9:30

Hi to all my bloggers!

Tomorrow is my last chemo treatment. Wow... tomorrow is my last chemo. Please pray for me. For some reason I am very teary eyed. I am finally to the last... heavy sigh. I have such mixed emotions. I am very emotional, nervous, utterly exhausted, utterly tired, sometimes I must remind myself to breath and happy all at the same time. But at the same time I know that I am: getting rid of the ovarian cancer cells, alive, getting back to my old self very soon, beautiful, faithful, smart, a good friend, funny, afraid of birds (that get in my house!), resourceful, looking forward to a VERY bright future, loving and a bright light!

Let's all focus on the positive "I am's". Do that for me, please.

I know my path has a purpose. I will follow.

I want to share a scripture with you all that Pastor Dan shared with me today. Thanks Dan.

"Have you never heard or understood? Don't you know that the Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of all the earth? He never grows faint or weary. No one can measure the depths of His understanding. He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; he offers strength to the weak. Even youths will become exhausted, and young men will give up. But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint"
Isaiah 40:28-31

Notes: Even the strongest people get tired, but God's power and strength never diminish. He is never too tired or too busy to help and listen. His strength is our source of strength. When you feel all of life crushing you and you cannot go another step. remember that you can call upon God to renew your strength. (NLT version notes)

I <3 U all and miss you even more,
Jude

Happy Thanksgiving!

Dear friends~

I wanted to wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving! We are spending the day at my sister Lisa's. I hope everyone has a peaceful, fun day filled with great food, friends and family.

I am on the downhill y'all and I can hardly wait to be done with the chemo. My last round is a week from Thanksgiving on Dec 1st. I'm almost there!

Thank you, thank you, thank you... from the bottom of my heart, for all the prayers, supportive emails, text messages, phone calls, flowers, gifts, meals, cards, care packages and positive thoughts.

All my <3,
Jude

Nearing the finish line...

Hi everyone,

It's been 9 days since round #5 of chemo. I'm getting near the finish line and the chemo is making certain that I will never forget how tough this has been. I spend my days at the oncologist getting fluids and iron or home on the couch watching TV or sleeping. Round #5 has all my blood levels low, I am anemic and food tastes like sand. On the upside, I found a cherry tootsie pop in my tote bag and it tasted fantastic! (Margaret I think that was from Nolan's treat bag you gave me)

I am so looking forward to post chemo days. I know this is starting to wear on Mark too. He's always tired and that is stress. Matt starts the wrestling season next week so that will be a good diversion. We will try to make the upcoming holiday season as less stressful as possible. My nieces, Linz and Carly, are coming over the Thanksgiving weekend to put up a few Christmas decorations. I treasure the time I get with them. As they get older I see them less and less.

The count down to my last round of chemo is 20 days to Dec 1st. After the last round my body will be able to start healing. Within 3-4 weeks I should start feeling better because I won't be slammed with another round of drugs! I am soooooooooooooooo looking forward to 2012. I hope that damn Mayan calendar isn't right!

Thank you all for the prayers, postive thoughts, uplifting cards, emails and text messages. Please keep a young woman, Rachel, in your prayers. In her short life of 19 years she has had 3 types of cancer. At 15 she had her entire right leg amputated, then a few yrs later she had groin cancer, then this past February she had part of her lung removed that was cancerous. Rachel is a kind spirit and is very upbeat. NUFF said, what do we have to complain about?

I luv you all,
Jude

Happy Halloween

I hope everyone has a great Halloween. I am getting ready for round 5 of chemo, Thursday 11/3. Please keep me in your prayers. I have not recovered from round 4. I am getting through this by focusing on the fact that my last round of chemo is on December 1st!! The nurses and my oncologist have promised that I will bounce back quickly once chemo is complete.

On the positive side... I am able to be home every day when Matt gets home from school! This is the silver lining. I am home with my favorite teenager. Anddddd.... Matt will get his drivers permit on December 7th and I know I will be in demand!! He won't be able to drive without me in the car!! Woo! Hoo!

Luv U all and miss U,
Jude

Homecoming

Hi all!

I am 10 days past treatment #4. This recovery is different from all the others. My body, especially my legs and feet, feel like they are made of lead. I shuffle like an old person when I walk and my feet hurt all the time. I am having quite a few migraine headaches too. I normally get about 4-5 migraines a year and I am getting 4-5 a month now.

Anytime I talk to the nurses or oncologist about my symptoms, of course everything is caused by the chemo! There is really no way to know what will come next. So.... I continue my journey... one day at a time.

We had quite an eventful and wonderful week. Of course our 25th anniversary was on Tuesday. Urbana's Homecoming was this weekend. I hosted Matt and 9 of his friends here for pictures. Then Kate and Becca's moms took them to Laurienzo's in Mt Airy for dinner and then to the dance.

Matt said they had a great time. Lots of food, music, friends and dancing. Thank goodness for the normal "stuff" for Matt to join in for the a diversion from my days. I am resting and hanging out on the couch reading and watching TV. Working on getting my evergy back. I was able to get to the pumpkin patch to get some outside fall decorations and a pumpkin of course. Now... whether or not the pumpkin will get carved that is another question. I'll let you know!

Happy Fall... isn't it beautiful?!? My favorite season.
Luv,
Jude

It was 25 yrs ago today

Hi all,

Yes... Mark and I were married 25 years ago today. The sun was shining and it was a warm day for October. It does not seem possible that it's been 25 years. I know it seems trite but... where did all those years go??

So today we celebrate our anniversary and my 4th chemo treatment. You just never know where you will be at certain milestones in your life.

Love your life and savor each moment...
<3 U all,
Judy

On the downhill

Hi all,

I had chemo treatment #4 of 6 today. I am officially on the downhill slope!!! I am sooooooo excited! But... please pray for me this Saturday and Sunday. I will be comatose. Each time it gets harder. The chemo seems to be cumulative.

But I can do this!!! With the help of my dear, dear husband. He takes care of me over the weekend. On Monday I go back to the oncologist to get IV fluids and then I am much better.

Love you all,
Judy

Is it Holy?

Hi everyone,

It's been a bit since I've written. I've been trying to stay busy. My 4th chemo of 6 is this Thursday (10/13). I am on the downhill y'all!!!! Praise the Lord and thanks be to God!!!!

I've been catching up with friends, spending time with Mark and Matt, decluttering the house and getting out of the house as much as possible. The weather has been a huge blessing. I love fall and the crisp temps agree with me!!

Matt and I spent a really FUN night at Dave & Busters in White Flint Mall. He got to hang out with his long time friend Patrick, Patrick's brother Adam (giant cheesburger!) and Adam's friend Lucas. I got to spend time with my friend and meal planner extraordinaire Kim. We had a blast and did not get home until after midnight. I actually felt like a normal person... out having fun and staying up late.

Yesterday we attended a new service at the Westminster United Methodist Church. My sister, Lisa, and my nieces, Lindsay and Carly, attend this church. Linz and the youth group formed a youth Praise band and they held their first service on Sunday. It was so refreshing. Lots of great tunes by their band. They think the name of their band will be "The Awesome Band". But they are sitll not sure.

Many of you have prayed for my niece Linsday. Your prayers are working!! I have never seen her happier. She played a key role in forming The Awesome Band and establishing the youth service for WUMC. What a blessing!

In addition to awesome music, a silent skit, live video (have to see it to understand it), liturgical dancing and a very innovative communion... we heard an incredible message delievered by one of the college students, Rebecca. She was so inspiring. I wish I could completely capture the essence of her words. But basically her theme was "Is it Holy?" She was a natural speaker and wanted us to think "Is it Holy?" each time we are faced with a decision. If only I had the faith that this young college student exuded. I was in awe.

Thanks to meal planner extraordinaire Kim I connected with an non-profit organization that is nationwide "Cleaning For A Reason". This non-profit connects cancer patients with cleaning services that donate their time. We have been approved for 4 monthly cleanings with Kidwell Kleaning Service in Urbana. This company does not get paid. They donate the time and pay the employees.

I am in awe of the blessings bestowed on our family during this crappy time of our lives!! Now who else could use the words crappy and blessing in a sentence??!! You all know me and my sense of humor! What a time in my life...

I continue to count the blessings that have poured over me, Mark and Matt during this incredibly stressful and crappy time!! Blessings come in so many forms... be sure to be aware of the blessings in your life.

Is cancer a blessing? NO! But... what surrounds it and the things that come because of it certainly are blessings.

I luv U all! Remember Rebecca's challenge. The next time you are faced with a decision, small or large, ask yourself "Is it Holy?"...
Jude

Take a Walk!!

It's been a week since my chemo and what a difference a week makes! I am feeling so much better. Still a bit whoozi and had to be driven to the oncologist today. But, all in all, I really feel good!

I had a great visit with Dr. Hudhud today. I actually was only scheduled for bloodwork today but he still came in to check on me. What a kind soul. We are so lucky to have people in the world like him.

He always greets me with a big hug and you all know I am such a hugger!!! Today we talked about diet and exercise. I asked him what diet he follows. He said he thinks everything in moderation. He tries to eat more vegetables and fruit, but is not a vegetarian. He'll also choose lowcarb and lowfat. Always have some good protein and he personally does not eat pork. Now... that is a strange story. Evidently pigs, like us humans, only have one stomach. I know this is gross but other animals have several stomachs so their food gets digestion better. I hear Bill Nye in the background whooping it up!!

Dr. H feels the key is not the diet book or diet gimmick... the key is portion size. And to always stop eating 3 or 4 bites before you are full.

I think the most important thing I learned today is that studies show if you exercise regularly you can DECREASE your chance of getting cancer sometimes by 40%. Obesity literally "feeds" right into cancer cells. Soooooooo all you couch potatoes (including me!), get off the couch and take a walk. I know I am motivated, I certainly DO NOT want to go through this again. I know there are no guarantees but let's all work toward increasing our chances!

Another little tidbit... did you know that 1 in 8 of us will develop breast cancer?!?! For us "oc" sista's (otherwise know as ovarian cancer) . . . 1 in 20.

Take a Walk!!!
I <3 U All and miss you more!!!
Jude

ps... 3 down, 3 to go

Coming out of the chemo fog...

Hi all,

Thursday I had the 3rd round of chemo and I couldn't get out of bed until Monday. Whew... this one kicked my butt. I cannot wait to be able type in BOLD & CAPS....I KICKED CANCER'S BUTT! I know the day is coming. I know I'm halfway through but boy oh boy is this intense. One of the toughest parts of cancer is explaining how I feel and answering the question "Do you need anything?"

There is no way to describe how I feel. When the side effects are very intense and I can't even move from side to side in my bed, I picture the chemo like little pac-men/women eating the cancer cells. It is like no other ache, pain, upset tummy, etc. Chemo has a feel all of it's own. And when you ask if I need anything... usually I just need you to tell me you love me, give me a hug and say a prayer for me.

I am thankful for all who continue to reach out to me through cards, letters, text messages, emails, rides, meals, etc... Thank you all from the bottom of my "pac lady" heart. I love you all and look forward to coming back around after I have completed the chemo.

Life will be easier and sweeter,

I <3 U,
Jude

Good news

Hi all!

Good news ... I am half way done!! I had my 3rd chemo today and I have 3 more to go. The last one will be December 1st!!!! I will be able to skip the one that is scheduled for Thanksgiving Day.

More good news... the blood test or marker for ovarian cancer is the CA125. The normal range is 0-30. Pre surgery my marker was at 984. Post surgery is was 44. It is down to 19!!!! Isn't that wonderful!!!!!! I am going to be OK! I just have to get through this. All the prayers help dear friends. Thank you and keep them coming.

So... right now I am high on the steroids. I go tomorrow for my neulasta injection and IV fluids. I'll hit the chmo wall about 3:00pm Saturday. But I'll get more IV fluids Monday and should be on the mend by Tuesday or Wednesday. I'm half way you all!!! Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy!

I <3 U all and miss you,
Judy

God's Love and Our Weaknesses

God's Love and Our Weaknesses
Thomas Keating
The experience of God's love and the experience of our weaknesses are correlative. These are the two poles that God works with as God gradually frees us from immature ways of relating. The experience of our desperate need for God's healing is the measure to which we experience God's infinite mercy. The deeper the experience of God's mercy, the more compassion we will have for others.
(Source: Invitation to Love)

Thomas Keating is one of my favorite authors. This experience with 'oc' has thrown me into an incredibly weak place. But, since I have been in this "weak place", I feel like I am truly feeling the love of God with the incredible outpouring of love from friends and family.

I am especially touched by text messages and emails from the college students I know. How did these young adults get so freakin' mature at such a young age?! I was a "hot mess" when I was in my 20's. I think we have a new generation coming up that is much more mature than we ever were. That said, I was a child of the 70's. We were more occupied with, uh, well... that's another topic!

I digress as usual. My point... when our lives are going along without interruption we stress over the stupidest stuff. These days I try to stop often, give thanks and smell the roses. Well... maybe not everyday... but maybe 15 days out of 21. ;-)

I <3 U all,
Jude

Our dear Unk...

I met Uncle Ray (or “Unk” as the family called him) in 1984 when Mark and I started dating. Unk was my mother-in-law’s big brother. Unk never married… he became a care giver. His dad died at a very young age and Unk took over as the man of the house. Both to take care of his mom and his baby sister.

Unk was the fun uncle and as his nephews got older he became the “cool” uncle. He went on every family vacation and came to dinner twice a week, every week. When the boys needed something… Unk was there for them. When Unk bought a condo in Ocean City, he took the boys almost every weekend and for several weeks in the summer.

The family wasn’t complete without Unk. Over the past 15 years, Unk helped us get through the passing of both his little sister and Mark’s dad.

We lost our dear Unk this past February. So why am I writing about this today? I spent yesterday morning at Unk’s house waiting for the Salvation Army to arrive. Unk’s house has been sold and all the leftover furniture is being donated.

As I sat there I thought about how “stuff” doesn’t much matter. Unk was incredibly frugal and all his furnishings are from the 70’s. My niece has it right, being in his house is kind of like being in an episode of the Golden Girls!! But…Unk had the right idea… there is no need to spend money to buy something new unless the old one has worn out.

“Stuff” doesn’t much matter in the long run does it? Stuff can’t keep you happy, stuff can’t cure cancer, stuff can’t fix a broken heart…

I wanted to give Uncle Ray a shout out on my blog. I luv you Unk, we all luv you and you are sooooooo missed. You were an incredible role model to your nephews and your grand-nephew Matthew Raymond. You’ve taught us so much and we will miss you everyday.

"Reflecting Absence"

September 11, 2011

Good morning everyone,

I've posted an aerial view of the WTC memorial "Reflecting Absence" that will be opened to the victims families today. I personally cannot wait to go see this in person. We all remember where we were that morning. Most say life changed that day. How has it changed you? Did you change right afterward? Has that change been more profound and stayed with you through this decade? Maybe this anniversary will change you today. Maybe, you say, whatever... change... smange.

Whether or not their was enough of an impact on you that you did change... remember you are a part of the whole. You are a reflection of all those that perished. You are a reflection of a world were something like this can happen. You are a reflection of the absence. BUT... you are NOT absent. You are here. What will you reflect?

You may notice I've moved Nelson's beach photo up today. Nelson came to us from Pet Harbor Husky Rescue. All Pet Harbor strays are named after victims of 9/11. Nelson is proudly named after Mr. Peter Nelson a firefighter that was lost that day.

I <3 U all,

Jude

Help for the Bickley's

Hi all,

In my blog I mentioned my friends the Bickley's (Michele, Colin and their toddler Kianna) after the earthquake. They moved back home to MD (from LA) the night before the earthquake. And at the time I thought what are the chances of that happening. Well... there is more to the story. They settled on their house in Ellicott City and have lived there for 1 week. On September 7th they had to be evacuated. Michele is 7 months pregnant. Here is what she wrote in her email:

There was a raging river that surrounded the house from all sides and we had to be evacuated by a rescue team. we are all ok. kianna is really rolling with all of these major changes and we tried to make it like an adventure yesterday. i was taking very deep breaths as we ran as much of our stuff as possible to the 2nd and 3rd floor so i didn't go into early labor :). (most of everything was in boxes in the basement bc we are still unpacking). not sure what is lost yet?anyway - we need some help to rebuild. not sure of all of the damage yet, but there was 9 feet of water in the basement. the yard is shattered. we need help with clean up asap. if you know anyone that may want to help or do favors or work at a discount who does construction, electrical work, air conditioning repairs, stone/brick work, building....we need all the help we can get. PLEASE pass on this email. You can reach me at:
mitch4748@aol.com
310-980-6186 or
310-980-9186
8518 frederick rd.
ellicott city 21043
thanks and love,michele, colin and kianna

Both of their cars floated into the shed in their backyard. If you know of any group in the Ellicott City/Columbia area that could help them through this incredibly stressful time please contact Michele. Scout groups, church youth groups, etc... Michele and Colin have to be wondering... what the heck... everyone says LA is dangerous. Ha... it's really MD. Earthquakes, floods...

I have known Michele's mom, Judy, since I was a year old. So I have watched Michele and her sister Jaime grow up. They are both incredibly strong women, but everyone needs help once in awhile. As I personally know these days...

My love and prayers are with the Bickley's and all the people in our region experiencing flooding. Life can turn on a dime.
Jude

Chemo kicks butt!

Hi all,

You should know by now if there's been no new posting from me... I am down for the count. Boy this chemo kicks butt! And now I have days 7-10 to get through where my platelets will be low. I got IV fluids yesterday and that helped almost miraculously. They will schedule me for IV fluids every Friday after chemo and then the following Monday. Hopefully to keep me vertical!! It was touch and go yesterday at oncology.

An update... my dad (Tom) is home. He is resting and very weak. But he is home and he will see the cardiologist next Wednesday. Thank you for the prayers and concerns for him and my mom (Bette).

I'm going to sign off for now... don't have much energy. I'll be back on over the weekend.

Love,
Jude

Rockin' a mohawk!

Hi all,

Lots to talk about today... get comfortable. First... you will see that I look a little different. My hair was about half off and I asked Kim to shave it OFF! So we started with the mohawk. When will I ever get to sport a new hair-do like that again! We shaved it all off after we made Mark laugh out loud and Matt hang his head and claim that I am soooooooooo wierd!! Check!

I now sport beautiful scarfs and turbins. This makes me pay more attention to my looks and I am wearing makeup again and making sure my outfits match my head cover. So I feel better and look pretty. Round 2 of chemo went well. The doctor decreased the strongest med by 10% and I go back today for the neulasta injection and I will get 2 bags of IV fluids. I should have a much better time this time. Ohhh.. they have decided I will have 6 rounds of chemo so I hope to end in early December! YIPPEE!!!!

I am officially in the Ovarian Cancer club at oncology. Yesterday another OC patient, Janet, introduced herself to me and had a gift of a teal ribbon pin and a journal. I am so fortunate you all. Janet has been receiving chemo for 4 1/2 yrs. She's only had a 5 month break during that time. While I was there I watched as she received an extremely strong drug that burns the bottoms of her feet, palms of her hands and her underarms. She has figured out that if she applies ice while the drug is going in she can stop the burning. Her husband comes with her each time and they are a HOOT! They entertained all of us for the afternoon and time flew by. Whew... part of my journey... thank you Lord for the experience and for Janet and her husband. What I am going through is nothing in comparison.

Next, my dad is still in the hospital. He was getting ready to leave and when he stood up his blood pressure plummeted and he was incoherent. Thankfully the nurses were there. They paged the crash team because they thought he was having a stroke. A pastor shuffled my mom and her friend out of the room. Frederick Hospital has been fantastic. Once the nurses got him flat back in bed his blood pressure regulated itself.

He went for a CT scan last night to rule out the stroke for certain. The doctor's think he's had a reaction to new meds he started. They hope he can come home today. I'll keep everyone posted. Until then please pray for him and my mom. Good news... my sister Vicky is flying home from Florida today. Praise God! We need her here badly. You all know what I am going through. Sister Lisa is going through a divorce. She works her fulltime job Mon-Fri and 3 shifts per week at Parks Landing Seafood and is raising my nieces Carly (13) and Lindsay (17). Pray for all of them.

Next, my counselor Bea Gruber and her husband are holding a divorce support group for 15 weeks starting September 19, from 7-8:30 in her home in New Market. Please spread the word to any of your friends that are hurting. Bea is an absolutely wonderful counselor. I love her. If you love talking to me, you will love Bea. She and I are a lot alike. Her email address is bea@build4life.org

If you would like to talk to other friends that have spent time with Bea I can give you that information. Email or call me anytime.

That might be everything I wanted to talk about today. I love you all and I thank you for all the prayers and silly comments I get emailed about my blog. I do have some FUNNY friends!! Humor will get me through this!!! Which is why I am posting me in the mohawk!

“May love fill your heart, compassion guide your mind, faith rule your soul”
Paulo Coehlo

I luv you all & miss everyone,
Jude

Can we all live like this?

“May love fill your heart, compassion guide your mind, faith rule your soul”
Paulo Coehlo


Dear friends,
It has been a full day. My dad had a heart catherization and Praise God he will only need a med to get rid of the blockage!!! Our dear friend Wendy went to the hospital to sit with my mom. I did not want to be in the hospital. I don't need any germs!

Getting ready for my steroid high! I take them today, tomorrow and Friday. So I should be flyin' for the next few days. I will be at the oncologist tomorrow afternoon. Ding! Round 2!!

I am posting a picture of my young friend Adam. If you recall from yesterday's blog, he ate an enormous cheesburger and is on the "Wall of Fame" at the Shady Grove Rd Cheeburger Cheeburger restaurant.

I <3 U All,
Jude

Today... I feel like myself!

Today... I feel like myself! I went wig shopping with Kim, Mary Ellen and Adam. As soon as the first wig was placed on my head I felt soooooooooo good!!! We ordered a wig. It should be in on Friday. We also tried on about 100 scarves, "do-rags" and turbins. Well maybe not 100. I was pretty exhausted and could not make a good decision after the first hour. I picked out 4 scarves. Kim and ME surprised me with a really bright pink one when we got home. Still not sure how you pulled that off girls.

Adam helped me finds some hats for the fall and winter months ahead. He has great taste in hats! He is so lucky his school does not start until next week. Sooooo... while all you other "playgroup" members were sitting in school Adam was shopping and eating ginormous hamburgers at Cheeburger Cheeburger. I laughed out loud once I realized that everyone else was IN SCHOOL!!!

Adam ate a half pound burger and the entire bun. For his efforts, he was rewarded with our server taking his picture and then posting it on a large bulletin board. We had a ton of fun today. I will try to post the picture of him after Kim emails it to me.

My hair is almost gone. I can't decide whether to shave it, cut it or let it keepfalling out. I am so fotunate to have thick hair I still look fairly OK. At least today. What I will look like tomorrow or the next day may be pretty scary!

I also came home to a bundle of mail. My little buddy Hayden sent most of it. He decorated several pages and even a visor with stickers. Hayden even sent me $5! Hayden started kindergarten today. He is Tara and Matt Study's oldest. And a very caring little guy. Tara said he took the $5 out of his piggy bank "for Aunt Jude to get something nice for herself".

I am continually amazed by these young ones. Can you imagine a 5 yr old thinking that way... here Aunt Jude get something nice for yourself??? If you are a follower you know I tend to talk about the little kids (some not so little anymore). They are special to me.

I savor feeling good and feeling light hearted... getting ready for round 2 on Thursday. Oh and I was able to do some laundry tonight. Woo! Hoo!

Hope everyone is well.

I <3 U all and miss U,
Jude

Irene is on the way!

Hi all,

I am hanging out waiting for Irene! Mark thinks it will hit Hatteras and turn into a tropical storm. The weather "people" love to hype stuff like this. And since when do earthquakes fall under "weather"??!!

I am finally able to read a book. Nothing deep ... I am reading "Scarlet Nights" by Jude Deveraux. Margy brought me some of Melanie's light reading. Thanks Marg! It feels wonderful to be able to concentrate enough to read.

Not much to say today. Our fridge went on the fritz a few days ago. It was acting like it was possessed. It was keeping food cold and frozen thankfully. But all the lights on the front of the fridge were flashing intermittently and the little door for the ice kept flapping.

Mr Fixit (alias my hubby) went online to research the "fix". Low and behold there was the answer. With pictures. So Matt and I went to Tribles Appliance store and bought the circuit board. Mark and Matt had the fridge repaired in about 20 minutes. Andddddd the floor under and behind the fridge got vacuumed!

Oh, I forgot, my hair is starting to fall out. I am going to buy a wig this week. Totally wierd!

I added a feature (just above Foxie's pic) to my blog that I THINK allows you to sign up to receive an email when I update. I think! Try it out and let me know.

Also, thanks to Wendy, here are some instructions on "How to Subscribe to Judy’s Blog using Internet Explorer":
1. Go to her blog: http://nodramanoproblems.blogspot.com/
2. Scroll to the bottom where you’ll see the following just above Nelson’s pic: “Posts (Atom)”. Click on that phrase.
3. You’ll now see Judy’s blog; but, displayed a bit differently. At the very top, there’ll be a box that says that you’re “viewing a feed” blah, blah, blah. Under that you’re given 3 options to subscribe to the feed (feed is another way of referring to receiving updates to blogs). Click on the one that says: “Subscribe to this feed”
4. You’ll get a little pop-up that asks if you want the feed to show up as “Jude’s Journey” created in “Feeds”. Go ahead and click . Once you understand what’s going to happen you can always delete this feed and resubscribe and have the feed show up in a different place.
5. You’ve now successfully subscribed to Judy’s blog! YEAH!

How to VIEW Judy’s Blog:
1. After you bring up Internet Explorer, click on your “Favorites Center” icon (I have a star icon for this)…this is the same place you go if you want to return to a website that you’ve bookmarked in the past.
2. After clicking that icon, notice at the top that you now have a few options: “Favorites”, “Feeds”, and “History.” Click on “Feeds.”
3. “Jude’s Journey” should be one of the options you now see listed. Click on that.
4. You should now be able to see Judy’s Blog. You can play with the feeds properties (i.e., how frequently it searches Judy’s Blog to see if she’s been updating it) by clicking on “View feed properties…” over on the right side (once you’re looking at Judy’s Blog).

I <3 U all,
Jude

Yes, Virginia, I can still cook

I saw the oncologist today and all my bloodwork looks great. Boy oh boy can I tell. I am feeling very good! I made a meatloaf for dinner. Mark saw it in the pan and said, "is that your meatloaf!?".

Yes, I cooked dinner tonight andddd did not burn anything! The last time I was in the kitchen I burned the taco shells and Mark asked me kindly to please "stay out of the kitchen!". Taco shells are very hard to heat up you know.

So... I have one week to enjoy and to continue to gather my strength for round 2. I wish I could describe to you how "good" feels. I feel light...

Hugs to all of you,
Jude

Earthquake!!

Oh my gosh you guys!! A freakin' earthquake in Ijamsville??!! I am so thankful that Mark, Matt and my mom were here when it happened. I totally freaked out! I ran out on the deck. Duh!? Probably the absolute worst place to go. I am obviously a bit over anxious. We'll blame it on the chemo! Yeah, that's the ticket.

Mark was in the basement and came running upstairs. Matt of course was upstairs in his room and he came running down the stairs. My entire house (now... my house is not a mansion, but it's not small!) was SWAYING!!! Nelson started howling and Foxie started her, "yap! yap! yap!".

But, today was a really good day! I started reading a book and I had a field trip to CVS. Woo! Hoo! Seriously, today was a good day. I was up and about more than the past 2 weeks. I am getting my energy level up for September 1st... round 2.

Here's to more good days! But no more earthquakes! A special shout out to the Bickley family!! They literally moved here yesterday from LA... we held the earthquake just to welcome you. What are the chances of someone moving to the east coast from LA the day before an earthquake. I'd say it's a pretty incredible day.

I felt the earth move under my feet...
<3 U All,
Jude

help us all dream big

Good Monday morning all,

I continue to adjust to my new way of life. Never knowing how I will feel, NEVER being far from a bathroom and wondering what I will be able to accomplish today. Some days I am able to watch a movie, one day I changed the sheets on my bed, Saturday I actually got out of the house for 2 hours (not a doctor's appointment - woo hoo!). But most days I am in slow motion and I may read the newspaper and a magazine or two.

When Mark and I struggled with infertility back in the late 80's, early 90's we thought that was the end of the world. One day we hung a sample of wallpaper in the soon to be baby's nursery and the next day I had a miscarriage. After the miscarriage we started the years of attacking my endometriosis. I once even had surgery while Mark was out of town. Infertility became the central focus of our lives. Mark and I dreamt of a newborn baby. Our families dreamt of their two oldest finally having a baby of their own.

You all know the 0utcome of our infertility... our incredibly handsome and funny son Matthew Raymond. I joke that Matt is lucky to have NOT have received any of the Combs or Henderson "portly built" genes. It is not hard to recognize that Matt is adopted. As you meet him you see a tall, dark and handsome young adult that may be with 2 short, white and pudgy people!!! (I have had several people say that Matt looks like Mark! I personally don't see it... do you?)

So... the point. During the infertility years, the fertility drugs, the tears, the realization that I was not going to "birth" a baby. As I drug Mark to adoption classes and we both endured the indescribable toughness of the adoption process... I could never have dreamed up Matt.

Jump to August 2011. My family has a new focus to our lives. You all know that I must see the positive. I have to think that somehow this part of my life will mold something of the future. I have to navigate through this to get where He wants me to be.

Help me dream big, Lord... Help me hand over the worry about what is not getting done and focus 150% on my health. Help me dream big Lord... help us all dream big.

I <3 U all and miss everyone so much!!!
Jude

It is hard to just "be"

Good morning!

I am slowly coming back to life post chemo. Now I feel like I am in slo-mo. It is the weirdest feeling. I've been enjoying a lot of "Murder She Wrote" and "The Flip Wilson Show" reruns. Still can't concentrate to read anything other than a short newspaper or magazine article. I am meditating quite a bit and trying to be calm.

Our lives are so incredibly busy, it is hard to just "be". I've had to talk to myself about focusing on healing and resting. Just "be". Yet another lesson to learn.

Check out www.tealtoes.org

I <3 U all more each day,
Jude

Email hijacking

Hello all,

Many people are receiving email hijacking's from me. Mark will work on fixing it for me. Sorry!!

I'll keep you informed.

<3 U all,
Jude

Welcome to the world of chemo...

My sister-in-law's mom (an oncology nurse and breast cancer survivor) put chemo fatigue into words... "inertia fatigue". I got a good dose of it this weekend. And I am still there a bit today.

Inertia fatigue... the ability to think approximately 10 minutes ahead in your life (if your lucky)

I'm hangin in there friends. It's still quite the journey but I will make it. I learned a lot today about knowing when I am dehydrated and hopefully will be more aware. I can go to oncology anytime I want to get fluids and praise the Lord it is only in Mt. Airy!! About 20-25 minutes away.

I <3 U all,
Jude

Hittin' the chemo wall...

Well it was bound to happen. I've hit the chemo wall. About 3:00pm yesterday I could not move. No nausea, just flat out fatigue. I have watched movies and slept. Just finished the "The Blind Side". What a great movie! Just as good as the first time. A bit of a tear jerker... but I can comply with tears today.

This is the wierdest journey, you all. I never know how I am going to feel... literally minute by mnute... it can change "on a dime". Mark is at Uncle Ray's cleaning out the garage. Jeff sold unk's house so now the cleaning out begins. It is incredible to think that unk passed away in February. Time goes so incredibly fast. I hope the chemo goes just as fast for me.

So... I will be short today. I have to get back on the couch. My "nurses" suggested I put out a reading list to you all. I read Whoopi Goldberg's book "Is It Just Me?: Or Is It Nuts Out There?" on vacation. Oh my goodness, does Whoopi lay the cards out on the table. Check it out.

FYI... I am not good at talking on the phone these days. It is very exhausting.

<3 U All very much,
Jude

ps... if you have any good movies to share please do :-)

Steroids are my friend...

Yes, they are! I started steroids yesterday in pill form. Today prior to the chemo I got IV steroids. I was sooooo pumped up!!! I was laughing and joking!!! I still have two more days of steroids, BUT, by Saturday I will probably collapse. The common side effects are fatigue, weakness, low blood cells counts, hair thinning or loss, loss of appetite, nausea, vomiting, etc... But I can deal with that. I'm alive!!!!!

Today went so well. It was a long day, about 6.5 hours. Because it was the first visit. I was given benedryl and the cancer drugs, Carboplatin (brand name paraplatin) and Docetaxel (brand name taxotere). I did come down from my steroid high and took a short nap at the office.

We (my sisiter Lisa and I) met with with Dr. Hubba Hubba... oh I mean Dr. Hudhud! Gay has a crush on him! GREAT NEWS!!!!! My PETSCAN showed NO MORE CANCERS!!!!!!!

I go back tomorrow to get an injection of Neulasta. This helps to shorten the number of days I will have low blood cell counts. Hence making me more suseptible to infections, etc. Neulasta can help to take the number of days down from 10 to 3 or 4.

So... I made it through the first day! And it could not have gone any better. I am going to take a nap now until Mark gets home from work.

Thanks to all of you for the prayers, positive thoughts and sending the angels. I feel EVERYTHING from all of you. And I love you all!!!
Jude

Matthew 7:7

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."
Matthew 7:7


Dear Lord, I ask that I get through this chemotherapy with the slightest of side effects. Help my body be strong and not anxious. I seek your calmness and love. And Lord... imma knockin'!!!!. Amen


Although, I do have plenty of anti-anxiety meds. It is my hope that I don't have to use any of them. But let's see... wine... anti-anxiety meds... hmmmm.... nahhhhh! A neighbor, whom shall remain nameless, said that one of his friends used marijuana during their chemo. Hmmmm...


Can you tell I had a great day today? I have my happy on! I have taken lots of steroids and I feel great!!! Had lunch today with 3/4 of the Franz clan and my guy Matthew. I will be at the Mt Airy Cancer Center tomorrow from 8:45 until about 12:00. The nurse said the day before chemo, the day of chemo and the day after chemo are the best 3 days. It's the steriods!


A note to Adam, I am very proud of the work you have done on your journal. Keep up the good work. I know it takes a long time. But nothing worthwhile is fast or easy to complete. You are growing into such a great "soon to be" teenager.


And a note to Jaylin, thank you for the incredible card. Gosh you have a nice hand writing! Better than most adults! I miss you very much and hope to see you very soon.


Just had Becca, Naomi and Courtney here waiting for Matt to finish cutting the grass. They left to go to Kate's for the evening. Matt ran screaming because Iwas dancing to a song card that Kate's family sent me that sings... "Hang on Sloopy". It's great having all the teens hanging out here. They are a great diversion!!


<3 U all,
Jude

It is a week of firsts...

Good morning :-)

I've had a few firsts over the past 2 days and I want to thank all the prayer warriors. You all have prayed for me to sleep well and to feel comfort. The night before the my port "installation" I was very anxious. A few people know that my mom had a port installed for her chemo treatments. Her port broke and a piece of it lodged in her heart. On top of chemo and radiation treatments she was very close to open heart surgery.


My dad took her to FMH and the team in the ER was able to remove the piece of the port away from her heart. She told me the other day that once it was removed in the operating room everyone clapped & cheered. Sooo... you can appreciate why I am a bit nervous about having a port installed.


When I saw my oncologist, Dr. Hudhud, last week we discussed what happened. Dr. Hudhud said that he has probably seen 50,000 ports and that my mom is the only person that this has happened too. Amazing isn't it? First of all... that cancer is so rampant that this young doctor has seen over 50,000 ports and 2nd... that my mom is the only person who has had this experience.


I diverse... I wanted to thank you all for praying for me Sunday night. I slept through the night for the first time in about 2 months. I woke up refreshed AND... with absolutely NO discomfort in my incision for the first time. It is a week of firsts. I also sat out on the deck this morning (for the first time in years probably) and watched the sun come up. And, I will have my first chemotherapy session this Thursday.

Thank you for the prayers. A shout out to my Aunt Midge's girlfriend ... thank you for asking that the angels come to comfort me. They are here!!!


My <3 U all,
Jude

Which God?

Which God? by Thomas Merton

Every person becomes the image of the God they adore.

Source: No Man Is an Island

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ps to my big brother... The "meal coordinator" is Kim @nkfranz@verizon.net

Weekend Update

Hi all,

I got pampered yesterday. I had a pedicure and had my hair cut & colored. I feel so much better. My roots were over an inch long!!! I know my hair may fall out... but for today I look like myself.

I am nervous about tomorrow's port "installation". I was OK until the hospital called for my health history, etc... it is about a 5 hour surgery. So keep me in your thoughts & prayers from about 8:00am to about 1:00 or 2:00. I'll be at Frederick Memorial Hospital.

I have gotten several emails about how to subscribe to my blog. Has anyone figured it out? I went to the bottom of the blog page and it says:

Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)

So... I clicked on Posts (Atom), then I clicked on "subscribe to this feed"

I don't know how this will subscribe me. If I get an email alert about this update I'll let everyone know. If not... if you can figure it out and send instructions that would be awesome.

Not much to talk about today. Nerves I guess. I'll try to post something late tomorrow after I have a new port. Woo! Hoo!

Love and hugs your way,
Jude

Rockin' Out at Camp Jam Tonight

Hi all,

I got to go out tonight!! I felt like I had been let out of prison. Matt has been in a Rock Band camp all week called "Camp Jam". The end of week concert was tonight. It was awesome. He played the bass guitar for two songs. First with the band called DOWNSIDE-UP, they played "My Own Worst Enemy" by Lit. I don't know it personally but it sounded great! He also played in the band called CREAM OF WHEAT. They played "Layla". An awesome song by Derek and the Dominos. Now that song I know!

What a cool camp! Oh my goodness... the banner said ""No Canoes... Lots of Rock". Matt found out about this camp through Misti Lucente's son Christian. So we got to hang out with the Lucente's tonight. We ended the evening at Red Robin. So I even had a pina colada tonight. Woo hoo! I am outta control!

Now here's an incredible story... I went up to the camp director, Mike, after the performance. I wanted to thank him for everything. I said that Matt has had a few tough weeks with me recovering from surgery for 'ov'. And that this camp was a PERFECT distraction! Well... prayer warriors, get on your knees... his wife is in Holy Cross Hospital NOW for ovarian cancer. She had surgery YESTERDAY with my gynecologic oncologist, Dr. Albert Steren. BUT... she is 24 yrs old. So please add Glennys and Mike to your prayer list.

Life sure does have strange twists doesn't it? I have to sign off gang... I kinda over did it tonight and I have to get horizontal. Darn this incision!

<3 U all,
Jude

One more thing off the list!

Hi all,

I had the PET scan this morning. Check that off the list! It wasn't too bad. A long time for the prep and only about 20 minutes for the scan. My friend Clayton took me today. Thank you Clayton!!!

I came home exausted. So I haven't done much else today.

<3 to all,
Jude

Essence...

My dear friend Maria has an unwavering faith in God. She has taught me that we must recognize and respect where God places us in our lives. Today we talked about a person's essence and how sometimes what we see in a person superfically is not what is hidden in their essence.

This article from today's Inward/Outward is an excellent follow-up to the conversation she and I had about essence. I hope you enjoy it.

The Holy Within, by Thomas Kelly
There is a divine Abyss within us all, a holy Infinite Center, a Heart, a Life who speaks in us and through us to the world. We have all heard this holy Whisper at times. At times we have followed the Whisper, and amazing equilibrium of living set in. But too many of us have heeded the Voice only at times. We have not counted this Holy Thing within us to be the most precious thing in the world. We have not surrendered all else, to attend to it alone.
Let me repeat, most of us, I fear, have not surrendered all else, in order to attend to the Holy Within.
Source: A Testament of Devotion

<3 U all, Jude

I got out of the house and it wasn't to the doctor's

So ... I got to drive myself to the pharmacy! Green Valley Pharmacy is the BEST. They mailed me a care package with my favorite chocolate twizzlers. And the owner, Leon, added in yummy snacks called "Tropcial Blends Sensible Foods" a crunch dried snack. Very yummy.

I have probably done too much today I also went to the grocery store. But boy oh boy did it feel good to be out and about. I will have the consult with the surgeon tomorrow re: the port. Dear friend Tara is taking me.

What would I do without all my dear, dear friends?! And to all of you that have brought or are bringing meals... thank you soooooooo very much. It has made life so much easier.

<3 to all,
Jude

The beginning of the journey . . .

On June 30, 2011 I had surgery at Holy Cross Hospital in Silver Spring to determine if I have ovarian cancer. From now on referred to as the 'oc'. I knew NOTHING about 'oc'. I went to my primary care because I had bloated so badly I looked pregnant. She sent me immediately for a CT scan. The CT scan showed an enormous amount of fluid and a very large mass. I knew something was wrong as I waited. The nurse came in and said the radiologist was calling my doctor.



Soooo... long story short... I do have 'oc'. I was directed to a gynecologic oncologist, Dr. Albert Steren. Dr. Steren successfully removed the 5 liters of fluid, the 6 inch mass, completed a hysterectomy and an appendectomy. Pathology was sent to the Holy Cross lab and then to Johns Hopkins.



I saw my oncologist, Dr. Hudhud, yesterday. Some history... Dr. Hudhud was my mom's oncologist and saved her life 9 years ago. My mom had stage 3 rectal cancer. She had a much rougher time than I should have. She also had radiation. Ovarian cancer is not treated with radiation. Whew! But... it can come back. Yes, without ovaries I can still get ovarian cancer again.



Soooo... because of the incredibly large size of the tumor, the excessive amount of fluid that was drained from my abdomen during my surgery and the fact that there could be a cancer cell hanging around in there somewhere... Dr. H wants me to have 5-6 rounds of chemo. He said it does not make sense that I just had my gyn annual physical this spring and that it grew that fast.





Dr. H hope's to start on Aug 11th. I will have chemo every 21 days after that. The cancer center is in Mt. Airy on Center Street. Prior to the 8/11 appt. I will have a PET scan which scans the entire body for cancer. I will also have a port put in to avoid them poking my "incredibly tough and disappearing" veins to get blood and put in IV's.





Everyone wants to know what they can do for me. Please pray. God is great, but sometimes life ain't good (Martina McBride). My faith will get me through this. I have gotten much closer to Him. I have learned to pray and meditate much more. Thanks to Pastor Dan I have learned to meditate on one word or a couple words... I have chosen "Come, Lord Jesus, Come" or "Maranatha". Our Praise Band at church sings a song with the lyrics: "Come, Lord Jesus, Come" and I can hear them singing these words as I meditate.

More to come... you all may get tired of hearing from me. This is very therapeutic.
<3 U all,
jude