Monday, August 22, 2011

help us all dream big

Good Monday morning all,

I continue to adjust to my new way of life. Never knowing how I will feel, NEVER being far from a bathroom and wondering what I will be able to accomplish today. Some days I am able to watch a movie, one day I changed the sheets on my bed, Saturday I actually got out of the house for 2 hours (not a doctor's appointment - woo hoo!). But most days I am in slow motion and I may read the newspaper and a magazine or two.

When Mark and I struggled with infertility back in the late 80's, early 90's we thought that was the end of the world. One day we hung a sample of wallpaper in the soon to be baby's nursery and the next day I had a miscarriage. After the miscarriage we started the years of attacking my endometriosis. I once even had surgery while Mark was out of town. Infertility became the central focus of our lives. Mark and I dreamt of a newborn baby. Our families dreamt of their two oldest finally having a baby of their own.

You all know the 0utcome of our infertility... our incredibly handsome and funny son Matthew Raymond. I joke that Matt is lucky to have NOT have received any of the Combs or Henderson "portly built" genes. It is not hard to recognize that Matt is adopted. As you meet him you see a tall, dark and handsome young adult that may be with 2 short, white and pudgy people!!! (I have had several people say that Matt looks like Mark! I personally don't see it... do you?)

So... the point. During the infertility years, the fertility drugs, the tears, the realization that I was not going to "birth" a baby. As I drug Mark to adoption classes and we both endured the indescribable toughness of the adoption process... I could never have dreamed up Matt.

Jump to August 2011. My family has a new focus to our lives. You all know that I must see the positive. I have to think that somehow this part of my life will mold something of the future. I have to navigate through this to get where He wants me to be.

Help me dream big, Lord... Help me hand over the worry about what is not getting done and focus 150% on my health. Help me dream big Lord... help us all dream big.

I <3 U all and miss everyone so much!!!
Jude

2 comments:

  1. Good morning dear friend,

    I hope this day is a peaceful one and you feel His presence. Don't worry about what's not getting done. Be glad for whatever you can do no matter how small. I love that you were watching Flip Wilson reruns! You brighten my day. Hope to see you next week. Love ya.

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  2. Judy,
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. We love you and will continue our daily prayers for you. I will be "kid free" next week and look forward to finally having some time to spend with you. Hugs and kisses...
    Lori

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